...and then

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Suburban, you've just gained a fixture for life...

... whether you like it or not.

Many people take parting well. I don't.

This fantastic woman is going away and I am sad. I haven't known her even a year. And I think I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I have actually met with her. But her friendship to me is proof of the fact that you don't need to spend a lot of time or know a person too long before you fall in love with them. And she is tremendously easy to fall in love with. Her intelligence, warmth, strength, precision, creativity, generosity and her immensely lovely smile are just some of the things that I look up to. But I won't talk about her too much and embarrass her (Hi, Suburban!). This post, in part, is to say bye to one of the most wonderful women I have had the fortune to meet but also to talk about parting and what it means to me.

When I was in my teens, I left airports without feeling a tinge of sadness at who I was leaving back. The only time I remember crying (until a few years ago) is when my uncle had come to visit us when I was nine or 10, and he had the cutest baby ever. We just spent a few days together and I remember being very upset that such a gorgeous baby was leaving. I remember being puzzled by it as well because, you see, I was never overly fond of babies. Since then I don't remember crying ever when I left someone back.

But in the past two years, every time I have left someone I love very much back, I've found myself sniffling and going all teary; feeling truly and deeply sad for leaving to wherever I was going, even though that might be a more exciting place, with more for me to do. And it's not just a little cry of parting, it's a huge well of (misplaced?) sorrow that comes at me in waves and that which I have to bite back so as to not let it wash me in my tears and scare the crap out of the other person. Because, seriously, imagine going away somewhere wondering how I'll cope because I am bawling for no apparent reason. It looks fake as hell when you see it, because who cries so much at a parting, right? So I don't cry even though I mean every atom of the tears that I spout.

Parting many times means the promise of meeting again. But I don't want promises. I want to be around that person till they get sick of me, or the other way round. And in the lucky even that getting-sick-of doesn't happen, then I want to be around that person till I know I'll be okay without them. Selfish? Some.

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Anonymous Revs said...

:) A post after my own heart. The whole parting bit I mean. I have NEVER left the airport without crying, except when I'm there to receive someone. Or when I'm just arriving home.

8:12 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh i am a regular howler for all kinds of goodbyes - airports, movie bidaai scenes...and promise shomise be damned...every1 stay around me..!

8:33 pm  
Anonymous Roxie said...

Ouch. Reminded me of when the Ex and I did long distance for 3 years. We lived out of airports, travelling across the country every month and every parting involved long bouts of bawling (only me, thankfully :P). The kind that involved sobbing that turned into breathless silent wails. It sounds funny now but I used to feel like I was being physically ripped apart.
And 4 yrs of living on my own means lots of visits from friends and family. I still dread it when I have to walk back after putting them in a cab, back into the elevator, back into the house.
And like you say, it was always for selfish reasons. :) I want to be around all of them, all the time.

9:40 pm  
Blogger TheFatOracle said...

Please remember to cry when I visit and leave ok? I'll be lurking somewhere always though.

9:57 pm  
Anonymous snippetsnscribbles said...

Ugh! I cried when I left G for a week to be with my SIL!
I totally understand how you must be feeling :(

5:00 am  
Blogger Unknown said...

I can't even take goodbyes in books/movies... so my real life partings are pretty ugly sights. For lookers-on, I mean. All I can see is a blur of muted colours and all I want is for me to stop crying so I can see my dear ones one LAST time. And I don't know why every trip, no matter how small, seems momentous at the time of saying goodbye. Yeah, melodramatic, I know, but that's me.

7:16 am  
Blogger Sandhya Menon said...

What is this? All you women go back into hiding! Admitting to crying at partings -- shame on you :P My post specifically said I don't cry!
Revs: You I excuse. You're a human being put together with body parts made of High Romance and Immense Sentimentalism :P

dropzofjupiter: :D I absolutely love you. Exactly -- everyone stay around me :)

Roxie: Long distance is tough, no? I did it for a while and swore off it. Now I am doing it again! But the crying, girl, you're worse than me :)

TFA: I'll always cry when you leave, my love. Muah!

Snippetsnscribbles: You know, sometimes, it's strange what we cry for. I find myself crying thinking it is because of the parting that I am crying, when in reality it is PMS or a bad day at work lack of chocolate cake or something.

SunnySmile: It's all good, girl. We alldrama queens. Life would be so dull otherwise :)

12:04 pm  
Anonymous Revs said...

Sentimentalism, I agree! Errr intense romance? You sure? These days all that I hear is, people calling me a cynic :|

10:00 pm  
Blogger The Coffee Cup said...

I can just sit back, think about the many good-byes and start crying about it all over again. A movie, a book, a face, a letter...anything can open those floodgates and leave me in a sea of my tears. Well i guess it's nothing to be embarrassed about. This is what makes life worth living.

11:13 am  
Blogger Suburban said...

Thank you. I am so profoundly undeserving of such kind words, and so profoundly blessed to list you among my friends.

Love you girl.

1:30 am  

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