...and then

Sunday, 11 April 2010

And today...

Edit: My real real English language grouse. It's centre of attention, not centre of attraction! Please. Please, I beg you.
My  husband's been in town for a week now and it breaks my heart to think how much the kids have missed him. We were at the airport waiting for him; my daughter was squirming, struggling to run away and threatening to drink someone's leftover coffee when I grabbed her and sat her on the barrier. We commented on everyone's luggage, on how some people were smiling and how some people seemed to have big boxes as opposed to small ones. (She's only 21 months, so I was trying to get her to understand colours, sizes and happy/sad concepts.) Suddenly he walked out, and the energy around her and me changed. She went stock still (we hadn't seen him in three months) and my tummy did a huge somersault. She waited till he got to her and then she leapt into his arms, put her little arms around her neck and didn't get off till she went to bed that night. It broke my heart.
I was counting the number of hours I spend with my kids and all sense of well being vanished. I spend three hours with them in the morning and between three and four in the evening. The rest of the my waking time is at work. I just realised that. Till now I was happy with what time I got and didn't miss them too much when I was at work. But now I realise what a big chunk of time I am spending away from them, I feel stricken, and a little guilty.

Although, I think I am making myself feel bad. Because I was perfectly okay till I did the maths.

After years and years (actually about two months) I spoke to a friend, who I now realise is my best friend. For reasons that I can go on about but won't because I can never write about the people who mean the most to me. Speaking to him made me yearn for his company again. His intelligent, riddled-with-PJs, spotted with the rare angst and pretty chilled out company. I miss his warmth, his love, his complete acceptance of me, his rare, rare ability to make me see sense. How often do we have friends who stand by us through penury, unemployment, who open up their entire home and mean it, who fly across the country for your wedding and are still friends with you even though he got stuck with who he thought were two very scary people, who will show the right way but more importantly who knows that you need to be shown the way? I have only one. And I am thankful.

Why do people who have absolutely no inkling of Marathi and have never lived in Bombay insist on calling it amchi Mumbai? Do you all realise amchi Mumbai means 'our Mumbai'? Which is in no way yours because you don't like it and don't live there? Bad enough you're an urban, English-speaking person and calling it Mumbai.
While we are on the subject of why do people... I have a few more grouses. Will people just stop saying "Thanks God"? It's "thank god"; as in I thank god it didn't happen to me. If you are going to say "thanks god" then you are either speaking in third person about yourself (Violetta thanks god it didn't happen.) Or you're having a conversation with god -- in which case you should use a comma -- and I honestly don't want to be a part of that. Just for the record, speaking in third person is the most irritating thing since Tom Cruise.

This, I think, is an Indianism. "Where are you put up?" Okay now, where are you put up implies that you are in the city for a short stay and are putting up somewhere temporarily. If you want to  know where I stay, do ask me that. I am not leaving this city any time soon.

And what is up with "I likes"? "I like" is okay. It's shortened from "I like the bag". "I like the mug". "I like the dirty bloody tattoo."

Also, can someone please come up with better, less overused, less really uncool acceptance word than 'cool' and doesn't sound as abrupt as 'okay'?


Blogger Rithu`s Dad said...

Me the firste...

Well written..First two paragraphs made me think of myself once again, i suppose, might instill something better for me and my daughter..

Third one is absolutely true, to have a friend like this is equal to nothing else in this world, except to have one more similar friend 

5:59 pm  
Blogger Judy Balan said...

I so know what you mean about the work, the guilt and the usual (and reasonable) justification that follows - 'I'm doing it for them, too!' But for what it's worth, I felt the same way when I had the ad job and I barely got to see her face. I quit and I've been home for more than a year now and it's not like I spend every minute with her. She's just happy I'm home and I'm happy she's happy. Though sometimes, seriously frustrated about the constant interruptions and not being able to get work done. Sigh. Dilemma!

I love how you hopped from mommy-daddy-babies to best friend to grammar :D

And yep, about the friend thing, those aren't easy to come by. I have two (who are so very different from each other, but have a magical effect on me). And yes, I'm so darn thankful.
Don't let him go! :))

Nice, heart-tugging type of post. I like!

8:13 pm  
Anonymous Roxana said...

Nice post. Interesting, what you wrote about best friends. I have 3 such friends and I just said a quick prayer of thanks, for them.

On the grammar grouse, does 'your' in place of 'you're' and the more common interchange of loose and lose, bother you too? Seems the most common error in work e-mails and its mighty irritating!

9:02 pm  
Blogger Andaleeb said...

Finally got here...nice blog, nice post...will drop by more often!

8:14 am  
Anonymous Chinkurli said...

I agree with the "thanks god" and "I likes thing, it's just so irritating!

The other thing that gets my goat is using "like" as a punctuation. "I' like, y'know, like, all cool, like, this thing man, like really..."

Bad enough to speak like that, but I've seen some people do that even in e-mails!

9:58 am  
Anonymous Chinkurli said...

Oh yes, as Roxana says, the "your" and "you're" too!

9:59 am  
Blogger the mad momma said...

uff - i left a list of grammar grouses on another blog.. but just wanted to say - i am with you on that heart skipping a beat when i haven't seen the husband in two days :p
yes, i am pathetic that way.

10:15 am  
Blogger The Restless Quill said...

Rithu's Dad: I am glad something in this post made for reflecting on your relationship with your little one.And you're bang on about two friends of that kind being the best thing :)

Judy: Have I told you how much I appreciate your comments? :) You know, I tend to just wander with my writing. No structure whatsoever. I think I can hear my dear mum saying, "Like her life" :P You don't know how much I envy your courage at quitting a well-paying job and being at home for your baby. A single mum, that too! I should fashion you a crown in appreciation.

Roxana: Good picks, girl. Let me add 'you'll' for 'you all'. Where did these people learn their English, man? I tend to ignore 'lose' and 'loose' -- especially when the rest of the person's English is clean. -- because unless you're keen on language or have been taught well, it's pretty easy to mix the two up.

Andaleeb: Welcome! I went to your blog a couple of times, but didn't find a comments section. Don't know if it was my browser. Can you check, cuz I have something to say :P

Chinkurli: Okay, what does your handle mean? I was giggling at your "like" as punctuation sentence. So funny :) About the emails -- I know! You actually have a moment to think about what you are writing. It's not like talking where your words run away before you. How do they do that?

TMM: I tell you, you and I are sisters. Even when we go shopping, I catch sight of him and my heart quickly misses a beat and then runs to keep up. Pathetic is a good word.

10:59 am  
Anonymous Spirited Seeker said...

Your tummy did a huge somersault? :) Mine does too, when husband comes back from just about anywhere, haha!

11:48 am  
Anonymous karuna said...

awwwww... :-) see THIS IS WHY I MUST to talk to you...

1:08 pm  
Blogger Andaleeb said...

hey...:-)) no there's no problem with your browser...just some stuff I need to fix with my ever changing website...do check in sometime...it ought to be working..

1:46 pm  
Blogger The Restless Quill said...

Spirited Seeker: So nice to hear that :) I wonder why there are so many bad marriage jokes going around when at least three of us here feel that way :)

Karunar: Buzz me on chat, silly. Free for you any time!

Andaleeb: Will do :)

3:15 pm  
Anonymous Chinkurli said...

I know the "like" sounds funny when I say it, but not when someone actually speaks like that :-)

It's a long explanation (it on my about me, actually) but to cut it short, "Chinkurli" is colloquial for someone who's small and packs a mean punch.

You owe me an email btw, remember?

5:46 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


one of many incidents of boys being molested. just o show there is a flip side too. im a woman who has had to undergo these things and its scary to read them. but there is the other side tooo

4:32 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry abt posting the comment inthe wrong place!!

4:44 pm  
Blogger Rekha Baala said...

The guilt will always be there... but also accepting that we can't be super multi-tasking women all the time... works! I feel guilty too... but at the end realise, no one is perfect, not even what those super homemakers would like us to believe :-)

4:51 pm  
Blogger Curry Pan said...

oooh the last! i hate, hate, hate it when people go coooooooooooool. there's nothing more juvenile and desperate.
but i agree that okay can be somewhat abrupt.
i tend to use 'perfect' - that keeps the conversation happy and sounds enthusiastic, which is always encouraging. besides, it's more mine than cool and okay. :)

4:49 pm  
Blogger Curry Pan said...

wow, thanks for adding me to your blogroll! that's a compliment :)

4:50 pm  
Blogger CognitiveLocomotive a.k.a Thought Engine said...

I think cool is cool..nothing wrong with that, except the fact that its been done to death.
How about stuff like 'revert back' and unnecessary apostrophe's??;o)

8:36 am  
Blogger Tamanna Mishra said...

This one totally struck a bell, so my first comment.. I can totally understand your daughter hugging dad all evening. My dad is in the merchant navy, and he used to be away for most part of the year when we were growing up. His homecoming was the only vacation I knew.. It meant music early in the morning. And lots of chocolates and guests at home all the time! And I remember how I used to feel when he waved at the glass pane just before getting on to that plane (because he couldn't really see us from so far away). And how the energy around all of us changed when he would walk out of the airport back home! You made me cry.. Almost! :)

And about the "I likes" and "Thanks God" and "Aamchi Mumbai".. So, so true!

I'll be back for more..

7:03 pm  

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